


So many questions (but i don't ask why)

by DanasKitty



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Child Abuse, Crushes, Depressed Liam, Depression, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining Liam, Pining Zayn, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, gonna add more tags, mild rape, sorry - Freeform, ziam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-05-30
Packaged: 2018-01-25 18:04:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1657529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanasKitty/pseuds/DanasKitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, he wishes he isn't that weak. He wishes that if he wanted say 'no', he'd be able to say it without thinking, what might happen. But he is weak. And it’s not like it's the first time he thinks that, yeah, I'm so fucking weak, it's beginning to be pathetic.</p><p>basically, Liams a depressed boy and his parents are no good for him. Zayn is his long-term crush that may or may not turn into more.<br/>also, Zayn desperately wants to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter 1

Sometimes, he wishes he wasn't that weak. He wishes that if he wanted to say 'no', he'd be able to say it without thinking, _what might happen._ But he is weak. And it’s not like it's the first time he thinks that, yeah, I'm so fucking weak, it's beginning to be pathetic.

Because his thoughts have been like this for so long. That time when he was with his friends, laughing hysterically like there's no tomorrow  and right there, with his smile so wide you can see it miles away, and it's not fake, he can swear to god it's not. He's thinking about what's better, hanging or overdoing. Because that's what he grew up to. It started with him being  13. When he was sitting with his mother watching her favorite drama show on tv.

This girl, on the screen, is crying he heart out, it instantly reminded him of himself. Of that time his father hit him so hard his nose bled and he still doesn’t know _why._

He doesn’t know why she's crying either, the girl, but she just pulls on the table until all the plates are just a bunch of broken glass on the floor. He sees the way her eyes shine as she holds one of the broken pieces on the floor and _presses_ it to her wrist.

He looks up at his mother then, seeing how her eyes are as glassy as the broken pieces that were on the screen a few seconds ago and he thinks _she's never cried for me._

Not even when his father brought a belt and locked the door behind them, even though he screamed for her, she didn’t help.

He's not an attention seeker. Maybe it started that way, craving the feeling of being taken care of and _loved._ But it turned to be something more as soon as he sat down on the bathroom floor and grabbed his father's razor and just did  what the girl did.

Obviously, he didn’t die. Because he was just a small boy, 13 going to 14 and maybe he didn't want to be 14. Maybe he wasn’t as excited for his birthday as he was before because the words thrown at him that time were like a _last straw._

His father was the one who found him. Not bleeding to death, not even unconscious. He didn’t cut that deep but the looks on his father's face. The panic, the anger. And he may have thought that, yeah, maybe his father is mad at himself for causing his son to do such thing, but what happens next proves him so damn wrong.

He is dragged to his parents room and on the way out of the bathroom he finds his mother standing in the doorway, looking at him with so much _disgust_ he thinks he might throw up. But he doesn’t have time to think about it as soon as the bedroom door closes and he's thrown on the bed harshly. His father takes off his own belt and doubles it in his hand.

He watches with wide eyes as his father does so. He's not stupid and it’s not his first time like this either and he knows if he tries to reach for the door and run outside that house, he'll be having it twice. So he stays still and waits for it.

The slaps, kicks and _spits_ don’t humiliate him as much as his father's words does.

_"you pathetic, piece of shit." His father had  screamed, panting from the effort of hitting his son and insulting him at the same time. "What do you think people would say about us when we have a suicidal son?" his father's eyes widen at the thought, and if he was trying to hurt him before he is defiantly trying to kill him now. "don't we feed you?" he isn't practically asking, kind of accusing, "don't we give you a fucking roof to sleep under? You have clothes on your skin, you disgusting shit."_

Needless to say after that night, he wasn't the same.

He's seventeen now and he's not the same. Not in any way…

Before, when he was trying so hard to make everything better between all of them by sitting with them, talking and trying so desperately to laugh and make them smile. He always ended up being, or getting hurt.

So , he stopped. He was seventeen now and he practically  lived in his room, literally. He didn’t really  eat anything. He just slept there and sat on this bed, thinking. And thinking took the best of him.

He ran like an alcohol addicted man seeing vodka for the first time in years when he found a shaving knife resting peacefully on his studying table. He noticed it there and he doesn’t know how it came there but he isn’t about to ask. He smiles bitterly at the thought. Ask _who._

Maybe his parents placed it there in his sleep so he would use it. He reminded himself to thank them for leaving the razor there. He isn’t addicted. He doesn’t even remember the feeling. He just remembered that it felt good, and his hand felt numb and cold unlike his body that was warm.

He takes off his shirt and looks at his wrist then back at the razor, it shines. He looks in fascination as it kind of glows under the dim light of the moon, having all the lights off in his room. He looks back at his pale skin. Maybe it'll make him somehow shine, too

It didn’t.

It only made him uglier, he thought. After two weeks of having his razor with him, trying so hard to hide it. It’s not like his parents would bother check on him, he can be dead in his room for three days and his parents wouldn't know.

                                                                                                                                                                                      ..

He looks in the mirror. Sees a very skinny boy, he knows it isn’t healthy but what difference would it make. He sees a scarred arm and thigh, he knows it’s his fault but what _isn’t_.

The worst part is going to school. He has to wear those skinny jeans he bought a year ago. The colors are fading and they aren’t skinny anymore on him but he doesn’t think he should look beautiful to anyone.

He has to smile, the once too fake smile is one hundred times faker now he doesn't complain. His friends smile and hug him, he smiles too. And acts like everything is just perfect. He knows nothing is.

"Liam, it'll be fun!" Louis, his best friends whines again. Almost crying to make the boy say yes. "Lou, when did I ever come over?" he says, almost pleading for his best friend to stop. Because he hates making them sad. Just because he is sad, doesn’t mean he wants them to be, too.

"exactly, you never come over and that’s why you have to now!" Louis says loudly that almost all of the cafeteria hears, he knows they did but they never turn and look at him because everyone knows who Louis is, and how loud he can be. But that doesn’t stop  him from panicking a little. Never forgetting the time he saw a spider on his window and screamed for help because he really hates them. But his father thought he needed to man up and pay for interrupting him, having the spider inside his shirt as his father walked out of the room. Since then, his voice is a bit above a whisper, always.

"I don’t know, I'll try, okay?  Just don't ruin your party waiting for me." He lies, thinks that maybe he will quiet it now and leave him alone. And maybe he was right when Louis smiled brightly and side-hugged him. He didn’t regret lying then.

\---

On his way home he notices Zayn standing outside his house, the house next to his. They're neighbors and when Liam knows he hates life, he knows he loves Zayn.

Maybe love is a bit strong but he poured everything he had into Zayns place in his heart because Zayn never hurt him. No one actually did but his parents but he never loved anyone as much as he loved him. Sure, Louis is Liams life and he doesn’t know where he would be without him, but again Zayn is different. His eyes are so soft it makes Liams knees weak. His features so sharp but at the same time so kind and welcoming and he wishes he can just be with him. Have Zayn hold him too tight. He knows Zayn feels the same.

Because Zayn, the so collected, amazing, sometimes cocky boy is a blushing mess when he's with Liam. And he knows, too, from the way he can feel Zayns' eyes on him the whole class. And sometimes from the look on Harry's face, Zayn's best friend, as he walks by.

He never forgets that one time Harry started talking about how bad boys are falling for quiet boys like those stupid movies now, having Zayn elbowing him so hard that Harry excused himself to go to the bathroom. Leaving the blushing boys alone with an uncomfortable Louis behind.  

It makes him wonder, why, how?

Because Zayn is nothing but perfection while he is nothing but a scarred soul and body. Literally.

He smiles, maybe the only real smile he has is to Zayn and he doesn’t think he'll ever give it to someone else. It may be a bit unfair for Louis and Niall but Zayn is just, he's different.

He looks between Zayn who's looking at him smiling brightly and his doorstep. The house is mostly dark and he thinks that maybe his parents are still not home. So what might happen if he stopped for a small chat with the boy he's so, stupidly in love with.

He walks slowly, head bowed and he doesn't know why. It's not like his father is there anyway. But he feels like he should have his head hung low, cause you can never trust anything after you're broken, can you?

Zayn is all confident smiles and strong body and just, perfect. But he notices. He sees how Zayns hands are shaking and it makes him smile and feel guilty at the same time. Because Zayn, Zayn Malik, shouldn’t be feeling like this. Shouldn’t be in love with _him._ He feels like he's lying. Like maybe he's doing something that makes Zayn see him as a person worth love and affection when in all honesty he's just _worthless._

As soon as he stands there Zayn does, too. Abruptly, causing his heart to stop because he really doesn't like sudden movements, even if it was Zayn. But Zayn doesn’t seem to notice, too busy looking down at his shoes, but liam wouldn't want him to. "Hey," Zayn says, smiling dorkly with a hand behind his neck and his eyes widen for a second before he suddenly extends his hand out for liam, who has a very good excuse for the panic rush he had, because Zayns hand almost hit him in the face.

" _Fuck!_ I mean, shit- are you okay?" he panics, and it only makes liam love him so damn much more because he's just swinging both ways, tough bad boy, and blushing, cute boy. His giggles and his _it's alright, Zayn_ makes the other boy blush more but relax a little. "Hey, to you." He says with a smile, and he knows they look ridiculous with both having pink cheeks and ground-fixed eyes.  But it’s the best thing he knows he’ll ever feel.

They stand there, just like that, eyes fixed on the grass under them and they just like it this way, no one speaks until Zayn says, "heard of Louis' party, you're coming, right?" he's asking hopefully and it makes liam want to hug him and tell him _as long as you're there I will._

He just shrugs and goes for saying something but his heart, nearly and literally, stops.

He looks back to find his father staring at him and from the looks in his eyes, he knows he's in a lot of trouble. He looks back at Zayn and he thinks that Zayn _knows._

His father might be a lot bigger than Zayn, but he knows if his father was able to see the look Zayn was sending him, he'd be scared to the core. He doesn’t say anything, just tries to, hardly, smile and walk away, head bowed and as soon as he walks past his father and into the house, and as his father slams the door shut forcefully behind them, he's dragged by his hair up the stairs. He tires, tries so fucking hard, not to scream but his father seems like he's trying to push the sound out of him, like it's his source of power. And maybe it is.

Needless to say, Liam didn’t go to the party that night.

He didn’t go anywhere, for that matter, because he breaks his arm  from when his father had thrown him  on the floor after he was done. Not that his father was the one who bothered and took him to the hospital and was worried sick for him.

 It was Zayn.

And it's not that Liam went like, 'hey, Zayn. Can you believe this, dad was angry so much that he broke my bones' because no, he doesn't do that. And as much as he feels angry at his father he feels like he should be grateful because he never throws punches to his face or any visible part of him. The way his fathers' leg connects with his stomach makes him dizzy all over but he's thankful for it being to his stomach instead of his face.

He knows it's not that his father is worried about his pretty little face from being damaged, but he knows that his father is smart and despite the fact that he's a shit of a father, he doesn’t want them taking his only son away from him. Or that is what Liam tells himself instead of that his father is scared of getting caught while torturing his son.  And breaking his body and soul.

He doesn’t mean to get  Zayn involved , though. He was meaning to go by himself and while he was walking slowly avoiding any sudden movements because his arm was _killing him._ But then he feels a hand on his shoulder and he whirls around so fast the he feels like he might faint from how bad his arm hurt him. "Zayn!" he grimaces, because Zayn wasn't supposed to see this, him, like that. With messed up hair and clothes, and obvious tear tracks on his face.

And Zayn, he's not the fumbling, blushing mess liam was used to see. Instead he's all angry looks and _guilty eyes._

And for a minute liam's sure that Zayn knows. The thought terrifies him because it may cause either Zayn or his parents to leave. And he doesn’t want to lose any of them, as weird as it sounds.

"hey, what are you doing?" he tries speaking without having his voice breaking from how hard he's been crying a while ago. "shouldn’t you be getting ready for Louis' night?" he smiles then, tries to add enthusiasm into his voice but failing miserably.  Zayn doesn’t budge. He doesn’t even blink and liam wonders what's going on inside his head.

He's had Zayn as his neighbor since he was a little boy, four or five years. But he still can't read him. It may or may not upset him. "What happened?" Zayn asks, instead, and liams heart begins to beat faster. He doesn’t know why. Maybe because he's scared that someone is going to find out, and maybe because someone finally _cared_.

He realizes he's been staring wide-eyed at Zayn for longer than necessary so he just fakes the brightest smile he's ever done. It hurts him physically. "Silly me!" he laughs, trying to push at Zayns shoulder gently with his good hand, "running inside was defiantly a bad thing" he laughs again but realizes that Zayn isn’t laughing too. Looking at him blankly, and maybe he didn’t catch on, liam thinks.

 

"tripped and fell, Zayn." He continues, and maybe Zayns blank expression begins to change into something more like hurt. He doesn't know why and maybe he does want to know so he can change that awful look from that beautiful face. He says nothing though. Just lets Zayn walk him into the nearest hospital and have a cast on his arm which is going to be there for a long while since his bones aren't that hard. Of course they're not.

Zayn suggests a dinner when they're done, which he politely refuses saying he has to go home and he feels like crying because he doesn’t know if this chance will come to him again or not. But Zayn just smiles bright and liam wants to know _how._

Minutes ago he was furious and now he's all smiles and gentle touches near his arm. He doesn't complain though, because that look Zayn had when he lied hurt more than anything, literally.

When they're in the middle of the way home, Zayn stops suddenly and turns to look at him, returning to his blushy-self around him. It makes his stomach flatter.

"Please, let's go somewhere for a while."  He pleads and liam is finding so hard to refuse this. He knows his father will kill him when he's home but he just hopes that he has a good time with someone as perfect as Zayn before he dies, so he accepts.

They don’t go far though. It's just Zayns back yard and liam is thanking god that it isn't the side facing his house, because at any minute his father might look through the window and see him. His father doesn’t know he's gay, he's not going to tell him either. It's not like his father cares for him or anything. Plus, it would only double the humiliation.

…

"I like reading, too! Specially stuff like comics and so." Zayn smiled so bright, liam thought his face hurt. But he wasn't planning on saying anything because Zayn is so beautiful when he smiles. And liam knows he's smiling just like him. "Alice's adventures in wonderland is my favorite." He putting his head on Zayns shoulder for a better position.

"My dad used to read it for me, the summarized version, before bed when I was six. I love it too." Zayn looked fondly at him, trying not to shift too much as to not disturb him.

And liam loves Zayn but that doesn’t stop the jealousy rising in his chest because he thinks back and realizes that he never had a childhood. but he thinks it again for a moment. Zayn, perfect, happy Zayn and him, depressed and miserable. In what religion can they be together for fucks sake. He's face is heating and he knows he's going to break down.

The so numb him sometimes has it's own breaking points too. And from time to time he needs to cry. And to prove that he's meant to have a bad luck, he's with Zayn when it happens.

He tries standing up with one arm supporting him and stares at him as he does so. Tries to help him but is shocked when his hand is pushed back to him when Liam is finally on his feet. "I need to leave." Liam says hurriedly and fast walks across Zayns back yard and to his house.

Zayn sits there for the rest of the night, replying all that happened to know what he did wrong.

He thinks that maybe liam thinks his parents are awake. He remembers adding 'broke his arm' to the list he had in his mind. Because when he finally has the chance to kill the brutal man, he doesn’t feel guilty.

And yes, Zayn knows. It's hard not to know everything about your neighbor and the boy you're interested in when you're there since you were a kid. He remembers the first time it happened when he was six and now he knows that liam was five. When Liam's father kept yelling that he woke him up just in time to see the poor five year old being beaten as if he was a punching bag.

He remembers running into his parents room telling them that he had a nightmare and that he wanted to sleep with them for the night. His mother hugged him while his father went to get him some water because even though he didn’t really have a nightmare, he looked _horrified_.

\--

He gets up, brushes the dust off his sweats and goes back to his room. He doesn't forget to check on liam through his window but unfortunately  the  window is closed. He lays down on his bed and closes his eyes. Mentally noting to apologize to liam even though he doesn’t know what had happened.

He wishes liam was with him.

\---

Liam is sitting quietly on the floor. Razor in hand and sleeved rolled up. But he isn’t feeling it anymore. The feeling he got when he did so, cut his skin, isn’t there and is replaced with a feeling he is all familiar with. D _isgust._

He looks at his wrist. It's all full of scars and fresh cuts that are hurting more than they should because he wasn’t feeling like it when he made them. Then back at the sliver, metal object in his hand. He gets up numbly and puts the razor back in the drawer and lays on his bed. He closes his eyes for a second.

The tears come faster than he remembers they do every night.

He sobs painfully into his pillow and remembers how warm Zayns shoulder was and cries harder because he fucked things up with Zayn too. He wonders why he left Zayn there alone and remembers that it’s because he is a selfish bastard. He wants to go back. Say sorry. Because zayn is the only one he found comfort with but he fucked it up, too.

He just chooses to run away and sleep.

He wishes he was dead.

\--

The next say comes far too quickly for liams liking but considering he went to bed late last night it was his fault. He gets ready painfully considering his arm is still killing him and goes downstairs to find them, his parents, fighting again. He ignores them and goes straight for the door  hoping they wouldn’t see him. He does so successfully and hurries to school.

He slings his back-bag on his good hand's shoulder and enters the school. Some people look. Some people don’t but he honestly doesn’t care as he bows his head and walks straight to his locker.

He stops as soon as he sees Zayn sitting on the floor, crossed legs, in front of his locker. He considers going back home because he humiliated himself enough in front of Zayn and he doesn’t want it to happen again but he doesn’t get the chance to think it because Zayn stands up as soon as he sees him there and walks over to him.

His heart stops because Zayn isn't the blushy-mess. He isn't the guilty one nor the sad-hurt one. He's angry and liam doesn't know why, but he's scared. Not from Zayn because he's sure Zayn wouldn't hurt him but from what zayn knows.

But if you ask Zayn himself he's say he doesn't know either. He doesn't know why he's angry but he knows all his plans of apologizing have gone out of  the window and are now replaced with anger because he loves, yes loves, liam. And he wants to protect him but he can’t because liam isn't saying the truth he already knows. And just because he already knows means that he can help liam. He can't unless liam is willing to accept his help. Wants him to help him.

"We need to talk." He says, voice soft yet determined and dominant.

"I don’t really see anything we need to talk about." Liam replies, voice low and head bowed but tone dismissing as he tries to walk past Zayn but Zayn gently stops him with a soft grasp on his shoulder. "I think there is too much we need to talk about." He says and he tries as hard as he can to make himself less scary for liam because the poor boy has enough of than home already.

"If it's about yesterday, I'm sorry. I needed to sleep and my arm hurt s-" He begins to explain but is cut off by Zayns', "It's not. I just- can you please just come with me?" He almost pleads. Anger and dominance long gone as soon as he remembers liams state yesterday.

"I- I don't know, Maybe." He answers, looking around him to find that everybody is busy getting their stuff ready for the first period.

"'Kay then, let's go." He says, hesitantly holding liams hand in his. Liam, on the inside, is all fireworks and _giggles_ but he walks as if it was nothing him.

Zayn knows it was everything to him.


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry idk i wanted this to be a bit longer but i also wanted to update so here! :)<3  
> would love to know what you guys think!

They go and sit in a small coffee-shop near school. They're not talking and liam feels like it's the most awkward thing he ever had to go through. It makes his chest ache because it was never awkward with Zayn. Even though he and Zayn didn't officially have a thing going on, he didn't want to lose the feeling he got when he was with him.

 

After a few awkward seconds, and embarrassing eye-locking that ends up with them both looking away quickly, Zayn finally speaks and asks, "You want something to drink?" Liam shakes his head no and looks down again. Zayn sighs and it falls silent again

 

"I know."

 

Zayn blurts out and he internally slaps himself because this is so stupid of him to say. So stupid that he looks at Liam with terrified, wide eyes, equally as wide as Liams' are and he's scared that the boy will just get up and leave him there alone.

 

Instead, a small smile finds its way to Liams' lips and Zayn doesn't know what to think of it until the boy says, "And what's that you know about?" He asks calmly. Zayn shakes his head slightly. Opening and closing his mouth because as much as he is a pro at saying stupid things he isn't going to tell Liam _I know your parents beat the shit out of you so let me get you out of there_ because no one would say that. So he stays quiet for a second. Trying to put the right words in the right order as not to mess things up even more.

 

"I know what your parents do to you." He says after thinking, he knows that yes, this is the only good way to put this into. Liam doesn’t say anything, looking at him blankly and he thinks that he should speak again so he does, "I know,  I know that you didn’t trip yesterday. I know who broke your arm Liam and I don’t want to leave y.." He gets carried away before Liam is standing up quickly, he follows him with his eyes and he had never seen Liams' face so hard before.

 

"Don't you dare say that my parents did this to me." He says, voice low but stern at the same time. "How can you even think of that?" He adds, a hint of shame in his voice and Zayn might have actually doubted himself, thought that all the things he heard, saw were all illusion because the boy looks so convincing.

 

"I- Liam.." He tries to find the words but everything he thinks of is failing him now as Liam sends him one last glare and takes his school bag from the chair next to him and leaves.

 

Zayn sits there for a while. Debating himself on wither he should follow Liam or not. He chooses the latter as he stays there and sips his coffee slowly. He doesn’t know what to do now. Liam is defiantly not talking to him again and the thought makes his heart ache in his chest.

 

He already misses him.

 

But he also doesn't know what the hell just happened because if Zayn wasn't that sure of it, he would have believed Liam. But he knows and he's sure that Liams' parents are hurting him.

 

He can't try again anytime soon. And it scares him, so he just prays that nothing serious happens to the boy at that time, or anytime, for that matter.

 

Back at home, Liam is sitting crossed-legged on the floor beside his bed. Mind somewhere far away. He honestly has no idea why he didn't tell.

 

He thinks again and, yeah, maybe he has an idea.

 

He knows if somebody knew things are going to crash down more than they have. He is seventeen. They will take him anywhere they want, supported by the fact that he is still underage, and he doesn't want to go anywhere. His life, if u call that a life, is hell. But he doesn’t want to give it up because he knows that it always gets worse and he doesn't want to have something worse than _that._

 

But then again, he could have told Zayn not to tell. He could have told him to cross his heart and keep it as their secret but he freaked out. And now he replays the scene in his head and it hits him that Zayn _actually knows._

 

He doesn't know what to make of it as he thinks it again and realizes that all along he wasn't making Zayn fall for him with lies, because Zayn knows. Has always known. And when he thought of himself as a liar to make Zayn fall for him, he isn't a liar.

 

He really feels like calling Zayn now but he doesn’t have a phone so he just sits there and thinks again.

 

It was probably the most stupid thing he did.

 

He knows what thinking does to him. And he did it and now he is sitting with five new cuts and an idea of ignoring Zayn for the rest of his existence. He doesn't know why or how is he going to do it but he has to. Because if Zayn knows how much his parents beat him almost daily, he must be not so in love with him. He must be feeling sorry for him.   

 

He had always hated it when people acted so pitiful around him. That one time he went to school with his foot bandaged, it was the worst thing he had to go through in his school. Not that people did anything bad. The opposite, actually. They were all so gentle around him. Asking him if he needed anything but most of all. They all said _oh, what happened?_ And the pity in their eyes can be seen a mile away.

 

He would just shake his head and say the same old lie. _Tripped and fell_.

 

He does his favorite thing and goes to sleep. Trying to block what might happen tomorrow out of his mind.

\--

\--

 The next morning, Liam gets out of bed and gets ready for school. His mind is going back and forth between wanting to talk to Zayn and wanting to skip school. He just makes his way to school and notes that his parents are fighting yet again.

As soon as he enters the school building he finds his class and takes a seat. It's so early but he doesn’t want to face anyone now. Not even Louis. He lays his head on the table and for a moment he thinks that he may be able to sleep for a bit but then another student enters the class and stars setting up the projector for the teacher. He doesn’t feel comfortable in the presence of any stranger, especially alone.

He gets up and leaves his books on his desk. He has a mind of going to the bathroom and hide in there until the day actually starts but then on his way out he collides with a solid body. He looks up and finds it's Louis.

He doesn’t know if he should feel disappointed or relieved.

\--

"Payne, haven’t seen you in a while!" Louis smiles, hugging him tightly but pulls back quickly when Liam winces because he crushed his arm between them. "Sorry, what happened?" Louis says sadly, gently caressing the cast and for a moment Liam felt good. Being treated gently and cared for and knowing that it is not curiosity or pity.

His mind wanders back to Zayns' face.

"It's nothing, lou. Just fell." He says softly, looking anywhere but Louis' eyes. He never knew when he was lying or not but he just doesn't want to risk anything.

"Okay, well let's go then. Want to talk with you about a lot of things." And by a lot of things Liam knows he wants to talk about Harry. It's not like Liam doesn’t approve them because he does. He would if there was them to begin with.

Louis is never shy, but when it came to Harry he's all stutters and Liam has to admit that it's cute. He still wants his best friend to be happy though. And he knows he won't be unless he talks to the boy.

He looks back finding that the class is back to empty now and he thinks what's the worst that can happen. Then he remembers meeting Zayn and he doesn't want that. So, instead, he asks Louis. "Can we stay in my class, like it won't make a difference, really." And he knows when he uses that tone, his best friend won't  make him do something he doesn’t want to do.

\--

"I say you talk to him." He jumps slightly at Louis' _'WHAT'._ "I can't even believe you'd suggest such thing!" he continues, waving his hand dramatically. "He isn't going to read your mind, Louis. If you like him, talk to him. That’s that." He says softly, trying as best as he could to convince his best friend to do something because he wants him happy.

Granted, if Harry and Louis got together Zayn would always  be there and it will only make it one hundred percent harder for him to avoid Zayn. He isn’t about to act selfish though. It's his best friend he's talking about now.

"So you really think so?" Louis asked, unsure.

 

"of  course I do. It's the only way, to be honest." He waits a few seconds for Louis to say something but then he is still met with silence. His friend has his most intense thinking face he had ever seen.

"Party next Friday. Get ready Payne." He says getting up, the sound of the chair hurts Liams' ears as his eyes follows Louis as he stand up. "Do I need to make a point of me never coming to your parties again?" he asks, trying as hard as he could not to let his nervousness show. Because as crazy as it is Louis might insist on speaking to his 'parents' and he would never want that.

"This time you will." He says walking out of the class as the bell rings. It eases Liams tension for a bit, Louis not insisting on anything stupid. He still can't be sure though. He prays for the good to happen as he pulls his history book out of his back-bag.

\--

The day goes smoothly for him, he had been able to avoid Zayn the whole day. Just the onetime Zayn saw him waiting for the bus cause he was too tired to walk.

Zayn wanted to go in there. Have Liam trapped with him and making him talk about it. But Zayn wouldn't do that. He won't force Liam to talk about what he doesn’t want to speak of. He is still dying to talk to him but that's the way it is going to be from now on.

It makes his chest tight.

\--

When Liam enters the house he is met with yelling and flying plates and he freezes in his spot when he sees his parents walking out of their room. His mother is carrying a bag that his father is trying so hard to snatch away from her. With one last push with her bag, his mother is free from his father's grip and makes her way past her, as if he was not there.

His father keeps cursing until she is out of the door and long gone. He is still frozen in his spot because, yes, they did fight before but this was the worst. He father suddenly turns to him.

His eyes are bloodshot and his frame looks like a wild animal ready to attack.

It was the scariest he had ever seen him.

His eyes widen when his father makes his way to him but he still won't move until his father's fist collides with his jaw. It makes him fall backwards on his back. He is only met with sharp glass scratching his back. Then the kicks start.

_'This is all your fault.'_

_'you're so disgusting.'_

_'maybe I should just kill you. Nothing to live for anymore anyway.'_

When his father is done with him _._ He is left with a bloody tshirt, sore jaw and what he assumes broken rips.

His father spits on himone last time before he goes out and slams the door behind himself. The floor is bloody and glass-covered and normally Liam would clean it but he is too tired to do so. So he just tries as best as he can to go to the second floor to his room. He lays on his bed with his bloody t-shirt.

He cries that night harder than he ever had.

\--

Zayn enters his home to the smell of delicious food. His father is cooking dinner tonight he thinks. Despite of being a housewife for so many years. Nearly twenty years, his mother still in a bad cook. He remembers all her accidents with cooking and he would have laughed if the weigh on his chest wasn’t that heavy.

He denies dinner, saying he was too tired and that he had already eaten at school.

When he goes up to his room he carefully opens his curtains, smiling softly when he sees the boy asleep from the windows across. The lights are turned off in both of their rooms so there isn’t any chance for him to see in details what state the boy across of him is in.

If Liam was awake he would have been glad for it.

After fifteen minutes he realizes how creepy it is so he turns around and gets ready for bed.

 

He wishes Liam was in his arms right then.     

 

 

 

 

    


End file.
